first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
