Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
