I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
