Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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