carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
