Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
