If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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