I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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