I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
