he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
