my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
