this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
