drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
