O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
