I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
