Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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