if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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