I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize