i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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