time to smoke my breakfast
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
