I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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