I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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