i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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