shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
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Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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