here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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