singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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