lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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