jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
