I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize