I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
