You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
