woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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