Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
