I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
