I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
