Its about making memories worth repressing
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm too high and old for this...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
