You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
