So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
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Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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