i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
