that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
