I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
