So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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