Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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