if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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