I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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