I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
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Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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