Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
