erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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