there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
