Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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