come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
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Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
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I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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