The maid of honor just puked.
Porn is love you can see.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
