Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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