i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
