and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
