Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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