No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
