I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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