Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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