why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
