I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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