so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
