It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize