No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
